Ly Faulk

“Thanks for meeting me here,” she said as she handed the bartender a twenty in exchange for a tray full of shots. I just nodded at her back as she led me to a table in the corner of the room. All around us were women in various stages of undress. She set the tray of shots down and sat, motioning for me to sit across from her. I sat and eyed the tray, hoping that she wouldn’t want me to partake. It was only 10:45 A.M. and, anyway, I hadn’t had a shot in ten years. 

The last time I saw Crystal, she had been standing on her head on top of a keg, guzzling beer as fast as gravity would allow. A crowd egged her on and as she dismounted, she had a huge grin on her face. It was the happiest I’d ever seen someone. 

“Do either of you want a lap dance?” asked a woman wearing only a g-string. I tried not to look at her naked breasts and mostly succeeded. Crystal answered confidently for the both of us. 

“No, but here’s a little something for you sweetheart.” She slid a twenty up the woman’s thigh, letting her fingers linger on her plump flesh. I shifted in my chair and looked away. 

We were barely in each other’s orbit in college and I couldn’t imagine what she wanted from me that was so urgent. It seemed rude to just blurt that out. Blessedly, she got right to the point. 

“So,” she paused to down a shot, but did not offer one to me. “I’d like you to donate your sperm.”

“To you?”

“Yeah. I mean, to my wife. We’re trying to have a baby.”

“Oh. Congratulations.”

“Congratulations won’t be in order unless you say yes.”

“Oh,” I said again, stalling for time. “Things aren’t going well?”

“No one will donate to us. Well, a few half-assed offers that fell through. Look, we’ll cover all the costs, don’t worry about that. We just need a donor. All you have to do is … you know, and we’re cooking with gas.”

Uninvited, I took a shot from the tray, the unknown liquid burning down my throat, making me cough. I looked desperately around the room but all I saw were bored strippers and drunk patrons slumped over tables. No help. The shot worked fast and I felt lightheaded but warm. I decided to chase that feeling and downed another shot. 

“Whoa,” Crystal said, whistling low. “You’ll barf if you’re not careful.” I nodded, feeling the churning in my stomach already. I regarded her, short blond hair slicked back and a jean jacket covered in pins with phrases like “fuck off Nazis” and “black lives matter.” She looked punk as fuck. I imagined her and her wife raising a little Jaedyn or Katelyn. It warmed my heart, seeing the little one toddle along with Crystal running after her. 

“You know what,” I said, ignoring the slur in my own words. Jesus, when did I get to be such a lightweight? “I will donate my sperm to your wife.” 

Crystal broke out in a grin. It was the second happiest I’d ever seen anyone. There were only two shots left on the tray and she divided them between us. I eyed the glass but Crystal was looking at me with a smirk so I downed it in one gulp. 

“Hell yeah,” she said. “Hell yeah, I’m having a baby!” She patted me on the back hard and I felt my stomach lurch. Bending over, I vomited all the brown liquid back up onto the strip club floor.